


It Doesn't Have to be Complicated

by Selenay



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, First Kiss, M/M, Parent Phil Coulson, Secret Child, Trope Subversion/Inversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 06:11:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/pseuds/Selenay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Turns out that kissing a guy and then watching him hurry away and practice extreme avoidance for a couple of days could do odd things to the mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Doesn't Have to be Complicated

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the secret child square on my [trope_bingo card](http://selenay936.tumblr.com/post/39382968348/trope-bingo). Thanks, as always, to Fahre for being a wonderful beta and cheerleader.

After months of dancing around the edge of maybe doing something about his feelings, Clint was kind of surprised by the way his first kiss with Phil went.

It was good, it was definitely good, even if it wasn't the sudden explosion of teeth and lust and hands Clint had more than half hoped for. The kiss was gentle, almost tentative, and Clint didn't know who had initiated it because it just...happened. No thought, no planning, no resolution that this would be the day he did something about all the tension and heated looks.

There was just this moment where somehow they went from talking about something he couldn't remember now to this: kissing, tasting the coffee Phil had been drinking, and sighing when Phil's hand settled at the base of his neck.

It might not have been a frenzied kiss, but Clint thought he'd managed to put everything he was feeling into it. The way Phil kissed, with tentative swipes of tongue and lips that seemed to cling to his, gave Clint a dozen good reasons to think Phil felt the way he did.

So when they pulled back a little, to catch their breath and look into each other's eyes, Clint didn't expect Phil to mutter something about "Not now" and then almost run out of the room.

***

Clint didn't see Phil for two days. Not even his retreating back fleeing down a corridor. It was as though he just disappeared, except Clint knew he was busy somewhere because memos, email and reports from Phil filled his inbox with their usual regularity.

Phil was just...a ghost in the system.

For two days, Clint was torn between whether he should be angry, hurt, or worried about losing a good friendship. Mostly he felt incredibly confused because the expression in Phil's eyes before he ran had said one thing and his actions told a different story. Phil had looked _happy_ in that moment, a kind of surprised joy that Clint knew all about because he was feeling it too.

And then he'd shut down and disappeared.

So when the elevator in the Tower opened and revealed Phil leaning against the wall near Clint's apartment door, Clint couldn't move for a moment. There were too many feelings competing for his attention and he froze.

Phil didn't straighten up from his casual pose but there was tension in his jaw and shoulders that told Clint it was all an act. One side of Phil's mouth lifted in a cautious smile that seemed to say 'I'm sorry' and 'Did I fuck this up?' all in one tiny muscle twitch.

For some reason it was that little gesture that prompted Clint into straightening his shoulders and leaving the elevator. He tried to look casual as he approached, but he suspected that he still looked pathetically happy and relieved to see Phil.

Turns out that kissing a guy and then watching him hurry away and practice extreme avoidance for a couple of days could do odd things to the mind.

The hint of a smile at the corner of Phil's mouth widened, turning into a real smile that was still uncertain but made Clint to feel more hopeful about the whole mess. He rested a hand on the wall next to Phil's head so he could lean in slightly. Phil didn't seem to mind being boxed in, or at least he didn't push Clint away, so Clint decided to take that as another good sign.

Clint leaned in a little closer and Phil glanced down briefly before he met Clint's eyes again. Reading Phil had never been easy, the man was too well contained for it, but Clint was certain Phil had looked at his lips for a moment and that had to mean something.

Clint tilted his head and very slowly, giving Phil plenty of time to say no, moved in to kiss him. It was a gentle touch, just warm lips pressing together, and Clint definitely felt Phil kiss back before he lifted his head to check Phil's expression.

There was something cautious yet warm in Phil's eyes, a wariness tempered with hope that Clint couldn't quite understand. He waited and saw the tip of Phil's tongue flick out to wet his lips. Clint's mouth went dry and he started to press closer for another kiss but Phil's hand flat against his chest stopped him. 

Clint took a careful breath before stepping back a couple of paces so they were no longer touching. Phil allowed his hand to drop to his side.

"Is this where you tell me you've thought about things and we're not going to do this?" Clint asked.

Phil shook his head. "This is where I say it's complicated and we should talk before we do anything else."

It wasn't an outright rejection, which settled some of the sick churning in Clint's stomach, but it wasn't an invitation to get naked immediately either and Clint's mind went into overdrive as he unlocked the door and led the way into his apartment.

Given their jobs, the range of things Phil might be about to tell him was intimidating and Clint's imagination was way too good. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it carefully on one of the hooks on the wall to buy some time. Too much time, probably, given the range of scenarios Clint had thought up by the time he turned around. There probably wasn't much chance that Phil was going to confess to being an alien, but Clint wasn't ruling it out. They'd had a weird few years.

Phil stood awkwardly in the middle of Clint's open-plan apartment, obviously trying very hard not to look at the tangle of sheets and blankets on Clint's unmade bed. It was half hidden behind a fancy Japanese screen Natasha had bought him a few weeks after they all moved in but maybe it wasn't hidden enough. Clint hadn't really bothered to make more than a token effort at keeping the different areas of his quarters separate, there never seemed to be any point until today.

An L-shaped sofa and matching chairs surrounding a television and coffee table had been his first big purchase when he moved into the Tower. Stark had rolled his eyes a little because there was a big rec room three floors up but sometimes Clint just needed to flop out on his own with bad pizza and mindless action movies. He gestured Phil to one of the chairs and tried not to feel awkward about taking a seat on the sofa nearby.

Phil sat down and rubbed his hands on his pants, a nervous gesture Clint had never seen him make in all the years they'd know each other. It ramped up Clint's nerves and he had to make a real effort to keep his foot still and stop his knee jiggling when he saw. There was a long, tense silence. Clint was uncomfortably aware of his bed out there for Phil to see and for the first time, he wished he'd requested a smaller range on his floor so he could have had room for a separate bedroom.

Eventually Clint scrubbed a hand through his hair and sat back in his chair. "You know, if you want to talk it helps if you verbalise. Right now I'm imagining a fuckload of crazy shit and you going silent isn't helping."

"I've been trying to work out how to explain," Phil said, which didn't really help Clint's mental state.

"Maybe start at the beginning?" Clint suggested.

Phil shifted a little in his chair, still looking uncharacteristically nervous, and Clint had to resist the urge to shake him or at least heave a very large sigh. It was almost a relief when Phil seemed to make a decision, reach into his jacket pocket, and pull out a handful of photos. He shuffled through them for a moment before selecting one and holding it out.

Clint took it and stared for a long, confused moment. The little girl in the photo looked like she was maybe five or six years old. She had a bright, pretty smile, coffee-coloured skin and she was hugging a plushie Captain America.

"OK, not what I was expecting," Clint said.

Phil shrugged awkwardly.

"Yours, I guess?" Clint asked when Phil didn't say anything. "I'm assuming, from the Captain America doll."

"She's called Mia," Phil said slowly. "The plushie was a birthday present."

"Pretty name." Clint could see the resemblance to Phil in Mia's nose and the shape of her eyes. "Where does she live?"

There was still wariness in Phil's eyes but Clint could see some of the tension in his shoulders starting to leave. He hadn't decided, yet, how he felt about the idea of Phil as a dad. Apparently his reaction was better than expected, though, and he had to wonder what Phil had been preparing himself for.

Phil shuffled through the photos again and held out another. "Mia lives with her moms in Boston."

Clint took the photo without really looking at it, his brain stuck on one word. "Moms?"

"Moms. Janice and Annie." The corner of Phil's mouth twitched as though he was fighting a smile. "Janice is on the left. They're my oldest friends. We went to high school together."

"Huh."

Clint looked down at the photo. He could immediately see Mia's resemblance to Janice, not just through the skin colour but in her smile and the shape of her face. Janice and Annie stood with their arms around each other's shoulders, Mia in front of them with another wide grin on her face. Annie looked to be several inches shorter than Janice and she wore her long dark hair loose. She had a quiet, content expression and Clint somehow knew that it been Annie that Phil had met first and she'd then introduced him to her louder, more extroverted friend.

"High school sweethearts?" Clint asked curiously.

Phil shook his head. "They didn't get together until they got to college. I was already serving overseas. None of us knew about each other until then. Being out and proud wasn't exactly an option in high school."

Clint offered him an encouraging smile. "You just gravitated together anyway."

"We did," Phil confirmed, looking more at ease by the moment. "Janice thinks we all knew subconsciously that we had something in common and that's why we became friends. I'm not sure she's right but their friendship helped a lot later."

"I like them already." Clint looked down again at the photo of Mia. "So this isn't your secret love child from a wild affair with a supermodel."

"No," Phil said and there was real warmth in his voice now. "They wanted a child and they asked me to help."

"All professional and medical."

"There was a clinic and some really bad porn," Phil said with a completely straight face.

"And nine months later..."

"More like eighteen," Phil said. "It took a couple of tries."

"Right, that makes sense." Clint took a deep breath. "OK, just so you know, if I ask something really fucking stupid, it's because this is totally new to me and I'm not sure what the right questions are for this."

"I don't think there are 'right' questions for this. Just questions." Phil shrugged. "I wasn't sure it was a good idea to tell you right now, but not telling you and letting something happen between us seemed like a worse idea. Mia's an important part of my life and you'd find out eventually if we get closer."

Clint didn't need to ask why Phil was so private about this part of his life. Their jobs made family a risk and Phil was a more effective agent if most people believed he didn't have ties. There were constant rumours that Phil had been grown in a lab or orphaned as a baby. Probably only two people in SHIELD had seen photos of Phil's nieces and Clint was one of them. The level of trust that showed was one of the things Clint had put in the 'pro' column when he was trying to get up the courage to do something about his feelings for Phil.

Dozens of questions were fighting for dominance in Clint's mind but one stood out. "So, how does it work? How involved are you? How did you decide to be involved?"

Phil selected another photo and handed it over. In this one Mia was dressed in white robes with a silver halo round her head, obviously dressed up for a Christmas play. Janice and Phil were kneeling on either side of her and the photo had been taken just as Mia planted a kiss on Phil's cheek.

"That looks involved," Clint said and he smiled. "She's cute."

A soft smile eased some of the tension lines on Phil's face. "She is. Annie and Janice asked me to help because they wanted her to have a father in her life. I try to get down and visit whenever I can and we talk on Skype a couple of times a month."

"You go to all her plays, recitals, and school things, don't you?" Clint asked shrewdly.

"Whenever I can."

"When's her birthday?"

"June tenth."

A couple of things clicked together in Clint's head. "That's why you got so angry when the Delhi thing overran last year. You were missing her birthday."

"It's the only one I've missed."

Clint looked down at the photos again, taking in the shyly proud expression on Phil's face in the Christmas one. This was so far out of his area of knowledge it wasn't funny. Kids were great, theoretically, but he'd never spent much time with any. What did he know about kids or dating guys who had them? There were probably a dozen different ways he could screw this up. A hundred. A thousand.

He could hear the rustle as Phil shifted in his seat again. Phil was still radiating tension and Clint couldn't quite resist sneaking a look at him out of the corner of his eye. It was all he needed to make the decision. Not that there had ever really been a decision to make, if he was being completely honest with himself.

"I'm not expecting you to step in and be some kind of step-father," Phil said as the silence continued to stretch out. "You don't even have to meet her, but I didn't want to surprise you with this later. That wouldn't be fair. I'll understand if you don't-"

"Uncle," Clint said, cutting him off abruptly.

"What?"

"Uncle. I've never been an uncle before. I don't have to meet her right away but if we get anywhere with this, I kind of like the idea of being Uncle Clint."

The stunned expression on Phil's face was almost enough to make Clint laugh. He fought it down and grinned instead.

"You really think I'd drop you because you've got a kid?" Clint snorted. "Fuck that noise. I'm in."

"You've kissed me once-"

"Twice, actually. If we're still at the keeping count stage."

Phil's lips twitched into an real smile this time. "Twice then. You've kissed me twice and I drop something like this on you and that's it, you're in? You don't need time to think about it?"

"I've thought about us - there being an us - for a long time," Clint said. "You having a kid is a big thing, absolutely. But I'm a little bit crazy in love with you so it's going to take more than this to make me run."

He watched Phil carefully, taking in the expressions that crossed his face too fast for Clint to interpret. Clint didn't even realise he was holding his breath until Phil nodded and Clint's chest got a little too tight. He released the air in a soft sigh of relief. Phil didn't seem to know what to say for once. He looked like he was about to speak a couple of times but each time he closed his mouth with an expression of helpless wonder.

Finally he stood up and Clint didn't move, waiting to see what the signal would be. This was new territory for both of them and he half expected Phil to announce that he needed some time to think before they considered any next steps. It would be the sensible, logical thing to do.

Instead Phil moved closer to Clint and leaned down, bracing himself on the arm and back of the sofa. He paused there, his face so close to Clint that his breath ghosted across Clint's cheek, as if waiting for permission. Clint snorted quietly and closed the gap, kissing Phil slowly and carefully.

For a long time they stayed like that, kissing without letting anything other than their lips touch, until Clint got impatient and wrapped his arms around Phil's shoulders to pull him down into an ungraceful sprawl. Phil didn't seem to mind the change in position, which Clint took as a good sign for what they might be able to get up to in the future.

When they finally had to end the kiss, Clint smiled and patted Phil's hip fondly. He felt more than heard Phil's quietly exasperated sigh, but Phil made no attempt to remove Clint's hand and Clint took that as permission to leave his hand right where it was.

"What's our next step?" Clint asked.

Phil sat up just enough to look into Clint's eyes. "I don't know."

"I'd been thinking about ordering pizza and watching a movie before you showed up," Clint said. "Are you hungry?"

There was a thoughtful look on Phil's face, as though he'd entirely forgotten that food was something people needed. "Actually, I am."

"I'll order and you pick out something to watch." Clint waved vaguely in the direction of his shelf of DVDs. "Don't pick anything too thoughtful, I'm all done with thinking tonight."

For a moment Phil looked like he wanted to say something but then he shook his head and stood up. Clint stood and stretched, only noticing as he looked down that the photos of Mia had fallen to the floor at some stage. He picked them up and studied them again as he pulled out his phone and dialled.

A kid. He could deal with a kid. Maybe it would even be fun. He'd never seen himself in this particular role but if the kid was Phil's then maybe it would be OK. The look Phil gave him when he looked over and saw Clint with the photos was filled with so much love that Clint's heart seemed jump for a moment.

Things would definitely be more than alright.


End file.
